Reality

The reality is....
Sometimes hear-say and conjecture is the only way to get "new" information around here. As you can imagine this can be detrimental to one's psyche.

The reality is...
Baby C is my child. My son. Our baby boy, our "firstborn," and I irrevocably love him as fiercely as any mother ever loved a child.

The reality is...
This situation has been a "possible" adoption from the start. We have always heard about an elusive relative who has not been in contact with us or baby T's foster family (the past 8 months) and we assumed this meant lack of interest.

The reality is...
 Baby C is also our foster child. This implies temporary. This week I heard a bit of news, hear-say-ed and conjectur-ed though it was, that MAY, PERHAPS POSSIBLY, mean the beginning of the end of our time with our boy. MAY. PERHAPS. POSSIBLY. or ... not.

The reality is...
I signed up for this. So every tear I shed this week was slapped by my mental self, you KNEW what you were getting into Kate, you KNEW. And you KNOW you actually know NOTHING definite ... yet. NOTHING.

The reality is...
I haven't been able to stop snuggling Baby this week, I have un-swaddled him and taken him to our bedrooms so we could rest together during nap time. I have used my mei tai wrap just so he is held close to me when I am about doing housework, even if he was content in his swing. I cried over his sleeping cheeks as he smiled in his baby dreams.

The reality is...
 I do NOT want to let him go. Or even face the notion of a MAYBE, COULD BE, SOMEDAY.... goodbye.

The reality is...
I knew foster parenting would test my faith. And my lack of trust in who God is and what His will and purpose for my life and the life of our children, has become a blaring example of what I am to be taught. As I fight my desire to control these situations, and that only I could possibly know what is best for this child; I am being reminded of just what God has covenanted to His children.

My own prayers and blessings for C are empty in comparison to the hope I find in scripture.


"See ywhat kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called zchildren of God; and so we are. The reason why athe world does not know us is that bit did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are zGod's children cnow, and what we will be dhas not yet appeared; but we know that ewhen he appears1 fwe shall be like him, because gwe shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who hthus hopes in him ipurifies himself as he is pure." ~ 1 John 3:1-3

"Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places,4 heven as he ichose us in him jbefore the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In love 5 lhe predestined us2for madoption as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of his will, 6 oto the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved." ~ Ephesians 1:1-6