I have started countless posts about missing the kids, what life has been like, the various things I am involved in, what's keeping me busy ... but it really all seems irrelevant. Life is life. Busy and fun. But foster-kid less.
We miss T and C. There are some days I wonder about the logistics of their day to day life. How are they eating, sleeping etc.I cling to every bit of news about their lives like a life raft. I have run the a whole gambit of emotions. I miss the children so much some days I could scream, some days I do. Some days I cry.
Some days I revel in the freedom that comes with being childless. I wake up sometimes and have to worry about NOTHING except life logistics. Not keeping two little humans alive and healthy, which takes quite an emotional toll on my apparently delicate spiritual constitution *achoo.* The freedom of being selfish is occasionally quite...sublime. I would be dishonest if I said I missed being woken up early on weekends, or that I HATE being able to skip meals or stay out all hours of the day and night. But I would give it all up a million times over to have those children in my life again.
There were losses this year that will change my life forever; some big, bitter sorrows that can only be from God to pull me closer. But in so many ways this was the best year of our lives! So many good things God has done for us and in our marriage.
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