Initiation

I am standing behind the last row of chairs in church this past Sunday. The sermon just getting started, and I am bouncing up and down on my toes like a boxer... trying to not be conspicuous...trying to keep a rhythm...and trying to get my baby to sleep.

This was after Baby C started getting fussy and squirmy on my lap, but was enjoying making eyes at the row behind us over my shoulder...then turning his head comfortably on my chest he quickly spit up his entire stomach contents down my shirt. To clarify. Underneath my shirt. down front. Slipping into the bathroom for a quick clean up I decided I would rather squirm with my baby in the back of the church rather than in a middle pew. The only sad part about this is, it didn't dawn on me to DO this, until I saw a woman with HER baby on the opposite side of the church dancing side to side with her baby in a front pack. *le sigh* Such a no brainer.

I bounce bounce bounce, trying to take keen interest in our pastors words, trying to focus... paranoid my baby will cry and disrupt someone. Repeating this to a woman after the service and expressing my concern of disruption as I learn the unpredictability of babies.. she says to me: "Let me repeat to you what an old lady told me when my babies were little...happy baby noises in church are a good thing." I appreciated her words. I have heard these words before, my own mother and father have told me this in no uncertain terms at least a dozen times since we got baby C, but I still appreciate someone in my own church making the effort. After my first bout with a "sort of fussy church baby" I felt more relaxed at the end of the service. I can do this! One initiating task at a time to ease me into parenthood...minus smelling like spoiled milk on the way home, it was a successful worship service.

ONWARDS AND UPDWARDS here is an update:

I have met with Baby C's case manger this week and his special doctor this morning. I feel so very encouraged by many things and saddened by a few.

Perhaps one day I will feel comfortable enough to share an edited version of the story of Babay C's family. Just know that in many ways there are "ideals" if baby C becomes adoptable. However, putting more and more pieces together yesterday left me in tears after his case manager left. Their story is similar to ours in so many ways... sin, consequences and a loving, forgiving Savior. I can only pray for the entire family and to trust that God knows the perfect place and plan for these children.

On the upside the Doctor visit C had today was amazing. The nurse repeated what the doctor told her saying "C does NOT want to be 4 weeks old, he is trying to take off already!" I was so proud of baby C showing of his mad 1 month "scooting" and "almost rolling" skills, scaring us multiple times by trying to jump off the exam table :-)  He cooed and smiled once, and looked "amazingly beautiful and healthy," as the doctor said.  He screamed his head off for the blood work. This made me happy as his first week heel stick made him frown but not cry, I lectured him no the need to express himself when it comes to physical discomfort. He took me seriously and wailed today! It was glorious...