Unpacking Insecurities, new parents and foster parents

When I get called a new "mom" or " new mamma" I am thrown into a brief tizzy of joy, OR a brief fit of rage depending on the tone of the greeter.

Keep in mind, I am not so high and mighty that I do not recognize my own "new" mom paranoia of "was that sniffle normal? did he breath funny? Is he supposed to spit up that much?" I am guilty of taking baby's temperature for no reason multiple times a day. I am guilty of Googling...everything. Of reading ALL the baby books. I exaggerate that last part, I only read a few chapters from each. 

However, I try my HARDEST to be a confident, critical thinking, non-over reactive new mom. *cue my mother's laughter*

I assumed that with me consciously TRYING to not be an over-reactive that I would automatically be able to mind-over-matter my new-mom-ness. This is impossible. For me this will only come with experience. This is, of course, "my first rodeo" as it were. 

The last time a nurse made a comment on my new-mom-ness, I boiled with rage. Keep in mind it was an innocent statement, I have not dealt with any blatantly rude people yet.  I was still miffed. And as I sat alone in the doctors office holding my sweet, sweet love bundle baby...I talked myself down..."Ok Kate, I understand you are angry, can you explain why?"  My insecurities stem from 1. I am "new" and don't want to do anything "wrong" or misjudge a health concern for baby. And 2. (probably more applicably) Is I am afraid of the judgment which comes with this foster care territory. 

~ That "they" will feel there are way more qualified couples interested in adopting, and baby c deserves someone with more experience.
~ that "they" will assume I do this for financial aid, that I refuse to work a "real job."
~ That, especially if there is confusion about who baby c's bio mom is, that I am somehow responsible for any of his health conditions.

Even writing this makes me feel irrational. But I need to acknowledge this is part of the territory, my own personal hang-ups with the "tone" of various nurses, or of other "randoms" who show up to monitor my home life, is my own problem to "get over." 

Like the childish sinner that I am, I hope to get a sturdier back to which any ill-felt comments will slide right off, and that God in His omnipotence, will answer my constant prayers for wisdom as I navigate this "new" parenthood experience.