Reality

The reality is....
Sometimes hear-say and conjecture is the only way to get "new" information around here. As you can imagine this can be detrimental to one's psyche.

The reality is...
Baby C is my child. My son. Our baby boy, our "firstborn," and I irrevocably love him as fiercely as any mother ever loved a child.

The reality is...
This situation has been a "possible" adoption from the start. We have always heard about an elusive relative who has not been in contact with us or baby T's foster family (the past 8 months) and we assumed this meant lack of interest.

The reality is...
 Baby C is also our foster child. This implies temporary. This week I heard a bit of news, hear-say-ed and conjectur-ed though it was, that MAY, PERHAPS POSSIBLY, mean the beginning of the end of our time with our boy. MAY. PERHAPS. POSSIBLY. or ... not.

The reality is...
I signed up for this. So every tear I shed this week was slapped by my mental self, you KNEW what you were getting into Kate, you KNEW. And you KNOW you actually know NOTHING definite ... yet. NOTHING.

The reality is...
I haven't been able to stop snuggling Baby this week, I have un-swaddled him and taken him to our bedrooms so we could rest together during nap time. I have used my mei tai wrap just so he is held close to me when I am about doing housework, even if he was content in his swing. I cried over his sleeping cheeks as he smiled in his baby dreams.

The reality is...
 I do NOT want to let him go. Or even face the notion of a MAYBE, COULD BE, SOMEDAY.... goodbye.

The reality is...
I knew foster parenting would test my faith. And my lack of trust in who God is and what His will and purpose for my life and the life of our children, has become a blaring example of what I am to be taught. As I fight my desire to control these situations, and that only I could possibly know what is best for this child; I am being reminded of just what God has covenanted to His children.

My own prayers and blessings for C are empty in comparison to the hope I find in scripture.


"See ywhat kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called zchildren of God; and so we are. The reason why athe world does not know us is that bit did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are zGod's children cnow, and what we will be dhas not yet appeared; but we know that ewhen he appears1 fwe shall be like him, because gwe shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who hthus hopes in him ipurifies himself as he is pure." ~ 1 John 3:1-3

"Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places,4 heven as he ichose us in him jbefore the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In love 5 lhe predestined us2for madoption as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of his will, 6 oto the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved." ~ Ephesians 1:1-6

shots

My darling baby boy had his 2 month shots last week, for as much as I hyperventilated driving to the hospital that day, the shots themselves went great.

I have this horrible habit when I see a loved one in pain....thanks to my mother.....I giggle. My sweet baby getting his shots was no exception. I was holding his arms down  before as they prepped the needles, and I saw his bottom lip stick out, his lips smooshed together as he mentally prepared for trauma, and  I felt so awful for him, I laughed! The more he screamed the more I giggled!
Don't mock me, this giggle condition is genetic...many a spouse of those related to my mother will attest to the females who are hysterical while digging for Arnica, ice packs, or band aids....


Baby C continues to grow, Baby T continues to visit. 2 children in the house is trying, and I pray for grace to handle the transition, if it is ever to be permanent, with grace.

happenings

Here I sit sipping a cold Starbucks beverage, daydreaming on Trulia and Pinterest... my little man is laying in his bouncy next to me, awake, content, and adorable. My hardworking man is sleeping in, and minus being semi-awake enough for me to run get coffee, is oblivious to anything but the rare privilege of a delayed wake up time. Oh, and a sweet little girl is asleep in the nursery. Yes, Baby C's sister is here for a sleepover!

Sweet baby T is sweet, almost to a fault. She is so very laid back and mellow (for now :-). Her lovely foster parents have never left her over night in the 8 months they had her, and various text messages and delayed goodbyes last night confirmed their love for her, and nervousness at her demeanor upon their departure. Baby T took it like a champ. She was so very good for dinner, bath and play time. And went directly to sleep at nigh' nigh' time. She was not as her usual smiley self (as I witnessed earlier this week) she was contemplative of us and her new surroundings, but the trust was there and I look forward to getting to know her more today.

Another evaluation for baby C this week. These are laid back, in home evaluations that, for us at least, have been relatively painless. Mentally stressful only because it would be hard not to take everything personally if there were to be developmental delays with our baby. Baby C is right on track however, so an hour of me and a stranger staring at him went well overall. I could stare at him all day everyday!