First Contact

From our first days wish baby C, we knew he had a sister.  This is not baby C's only sibling, but his only full sibling, and the one who everyone would like to see in a "forever family," with him.

And a few nights ago, I received a long awaited phone call from Baby T's foster mother!

I learned more about the foster family, biological family, biological extended family, and sweet baby T than I have heard from, the countless people involved in this case, in these last 6 weeks combined.

I am both weakened with the burden of information and decisions, and so incredibly edified and strengthened by the prayers of this other family. The phone call was extremely encouraging, this is another family of believers who spoke with nothing but honesty, respect, and a God-fearing, prayerful approach to this whole messy situation.

Baby T is a darling girl. She was a preemie and has had a bit of a rocky start in life, but is flourishing in her current home. We are setting up some "play dates" with these siblings, and will be continually praying for what God has for these two in the near and distant future.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)

Initiation

I am standing behind the last row of chairs in church this past Sunday. The sermon just getting started, and I am bouncing up and down on my toes like a boxer... trying to not be conspicuous...trying to keep a rhythm...and trying to get my baby to sleep.

This was after Baby C started getting fussy and squirmy on my lap, but was enjoying making eyes at the row behind us over my shoulder...then turning his head comfortably on my chest he quickly spit up his entire stomach contents down my shirt. To clarify. Underneath my shirt. down front. Slipping into the bathroom for a quick clean up I decided I would rather squirm with my baby in the back of the church rather than in a middle pew. The only sad part about this is, it didn't dawn on me to DO this, until I saw a woman with HER baby on the opposite side of the church dancing side to side with her baby in a front pack. *le sigh* Such a no brainer.

I bounce bounce bounce, trying to take keen interest in our pastors words, trying to focus... paranoid my baby will cry and disrupt someone. Repeating this to a woman after the service and expressing my concern of disruption as I learn the unpredictability of babies.. she says to me: "Let me repeat to you what an old lady told me when my babies were little...happy baby noises in church are a good thing." I appreciated her words. I have heard these words before, my own mother and father have told me this in no uncertain terms at least a dozen times since we got baby C, but I still appreciate someone in my own church making the effort. After my first bout with a "sort of fussy church baby" I felt more relaxed at the end of the service. I can do this! One initiating task at a time to ease me into parenthood...minus smelling like spoiled milk on the way home, it was a successful worship service.

ONWARDS AND UPDWARDS here is an update:

I have met with Baby C's case manger this week and his special doctor this morning. I feel so very encouraged by many things and saddened by a few.

Perhaps one day I will feel comfortable enough to share an edited version of the story of Babay C's family. Just know that in many ways there are "ideals" if baby C becomes adoptable. However, putting more and more pieces together yesterday left me in tears after his case manager left. Their story is similar to ours in so many ways... sin, consequences and a loving, forgiving Savior. I can only pray for the entire family and to trust that God knows the perfect place and plan for these children.

On the upside the Doctor visit C had today was amazing. The nurse repeated what the doctor told her saying "C does NOT want to be 4 weeks old, he is trying to take off already!" I was so proud of baby C showing of his mad 1 month "scooting" and "almost rolling" skills, scaring us multiple times by trying to jump off the exam table :-)  He cooed and smiled once, and looked "amazingly beautiful and healthy," as the doctor said.  He screamed his head off for the blood work. This made me happy as his first week heel stick made him frown but not cry, I lectured him no the need to express himself when it comes to physical discomfort. He took me seriously and wailed today! It was glorious...

Unpacking Insecurities, new parents and foster parents

When I get called a new "mom" or " new mamma" I am thrown into a brief tizzy of joy, OR a brief fit of rage depending on the tone of the greeter.

Keep in mind, I am not so high and mighty that I do not recognize my own "new" mom paranoia of "was that sniffle normal? did he breath funny? Is he supposed to spit up that much?" I am guilty of taking baby's temperature for no reason multiple times a day. I am guilty of Googling...everything. Of reading ALL the baby books. I exaggerate that last part, I only read a few chapters from each. 

However, I try my HARDEST to be a confident, critical thinking, non-over reactive new mom. *cue my mother's laughter*

I assumed that with me consciously TRYING to not be an over-reactive that I would automatically be able to mind-over-matter my new-mom-ness. This is impossible. For me this will only come with experience. This is, of course, "my first rodeo" as it were. 

The last time a nurse made a comment on my new-mom-ness, I boiled with rage. Keep in mind it was an innocent statement, I have not dealt with any blatantly rude people yet.  I was still miffed. And as I sat alone in the doctors office holding my sweet, sweet love bundle baby...I talked myself down..."Ok Kate, I understand you are angry, can you explain why?"  My insecurities stem from 1. I am "new" and don't want to do anything "wrong" or misjudge a health concern for baby. And 2. (probably more applicably) Is I am afraid of the judgment which comes with this foster care territory. 

~ That "they" will feel there are way more qualified couples interested in adopting, and baby c deserves someone with more experience.
~ that "they" will assume I do this for financial aid, that I refuse to work a "real job."
~ That, especially if there is confusion about who baby c's bio mom is, that I am somehow responsible for any of his health conditions.

Even writing this makes me feel irrational. But I need to acknowledge this is part of the territory, my own personal hang-ups with the "tone" of various nurses, or of other "randoms" who show up to monitor my home life, is my own problem to "get over." 

Like the childish sinner that I am, I hope to get a sturdier back to which any ill-felt comments will slide right off, and that God in His omnipotence, will answer my constant prayers for wisdom as I navigate this "new" parenthood experience.

Family

In our foster class training we were taught that we are "resource parents," another term for "foster." We use  those terms sarcastically in our house. "Resource" relationships seem to slap the face of what we believe to be God's intention for a covenant family. Any child in our home is our child. We are their parents. It might not be forever, but there would be no differentiation if we had biological kiddos here as well. The word resource seems to intensify the political aspect of foster care. We are the resources of the state true, but we are still to provide a normal, stable family life for kiddos until further notice, or become their "forever family" (another term used).

That being said, we probably significantly underestimated the amount of 'pressure' this decision in our lives would put on our respective families. We are so blessed to have God fearing family and friends who are respectful, supportive, and mostly prayerful of our decisions. Their support this week in particular has been an unexpected blessing. Not that I didn't expect them to be supportive, but because of how inconsistent, and ever changing foster care can be, J and I wanted to try to down play the presence of children in our home.  For #1, I am not sure this was ever going to be possible, my own panic, and our quick call to action left no choice but to frantically call our family. They all have bent over backwards to surround us with blessing

Cheers to the "Resource" relatives !
~Brother and Sister in law provided me food all week!
~Sister in law came over almost every night this week to help with an evening feeding...and to hold the sweet sleeping baby...
~ Sister in law hosted a girls night +Baby tonight so we could watch girly tv and she could snuggle baby  while I supervised....i.e. painted my finger nails.
~ 1 resource grandma made curtains and a quilted wall hanging (pictures pending), provided clothes and came to visit me from afar bearing hugs, encouragement and laughs.
~1 resource grandma made burp cloths, went consignment shopping with me and helped with nursery decor,  and came over to meet baby C with warm welcome his first night here.
~ Resource PA Auntie for dealing with my mess of frantic phone calls while in various baby stores, and my tears and dumb questions I am too embarrassed to google!

Not to mention the friends and family that donated our up-cycled baby stash into existence, car seats, crib, stroller, bouncer, swing, clothes, you name it. God has certainly provided and opened these doors for us exceedingly wide


This has only been a few days and the outpouring of love has been such a blessing. It is such an incredible feeling to know that no matter how long a child is in our home, they will have an extended family that will love on them oodles!

baby c

Little baby C is a dream. He is on one major medication which could be making him drowsier than some babies, but after his doctor appointment today I can say he is healthy, gaining weight, and a happy little clam. He eats, he sleeps, he poops, he lost his umbilical cord, and did not cry once when they squeezed blood out of his heel today.

I wish he was mine. Maybe someday. The "jury" (figuratively and literally) will be out for a while as there is a family member who wants him; also he has sibling which makes him a "package deal."

I don't feel it prudent to list the many complex and half-baked data that make up baby's C's situation. Compared to some foster babies, his is ideal. But still messy.

As for the Faiths, I knew this would be hard,  I knew this would involve lots of people, but the reality is...this is hard, and it involves lots of people!

In fact today, I was speaking to one lady who had needed to see me and baby in my home "as soon as possible," and while answering her questions I repeatedly had to say, "this is what I was told, I am not sure if this is accurate information.." she knew less than I did! At one point I stopped her talking... "I am sorry, forgive me for not keeping everyone straight, but who are you and where do you fit into this equation again?" Let's just say it was a behavioral counselor or something of the sort, marking baby C for a mandatory evaluation.  Which even she admitted makes no sense, him being only 5 days old...  One more meeting, add it to my list. We had a doc appointment today, that weird appointment at my house, we had case workers follow us home from hospital, our licensing agent visits tomorrow, and I have a doc appointment the week after and a specialty appointment the week after that. There will be more in the interim. This kid has more meetings than a CEO! I have yet to work with anyone mean, but I can see the tedious problems in the future...in the magic-crystal-future-foster care-ball...

 I found it interesting that I caught myself twice today declaring myself the "foster mom" as opposed to his mom....don't get me wrong I already would jump in front of a car this kid, but I also find myself defensive of his "possible" medical condition....not wanting it linked to my care-giving/non-prenatal care-giving. Am I making sense?... Watch me as I hopefully die to my selfish vanity. What does it matter what the hospital thinks of me as long as they are properly taking care of my baby...right?

 I do feel encouraged, as a first timer, I felt no judgment at my awkward attempt at maneuvering both diaper/file cabinet bag and infant seat from room to room. Nurses and doctors were wonderful to me and baby, it helps that baby C is beyond adorable. I think they examined him so long, just so they got a chance to hold him.

I feel so blessed for having such a praying and loving family. Foster grandparents (our parents) visiting and calling, my sister in law and brother bringing me food and sanity as we figure out life with baby.


Oh right, I am only 48 hours in, if I sound a bit delusional/sleepy/ that is why..

Baby C sends his love!

Baby is here

Sweet baby boy C. has been with us for over 24 hours now.
He was born last Friday and is as "easy" as babies can be, as told to me by his nurse.

Crazy circumstances, and a crazy roller coaster of emotions for "resource" mamma-kate, but baby is doing great!

Some health issues are possible, but we found out today they are not probable. *crisscrossapplesauce* This week includes 2 more home visits related to baby C and a Dr. appointment.

Haven't decided if ever I will post pictures, but trust me when I saw he is ADORABLE

The first "Call"

Today we received our first  "CALL."  I was visiting my sister-in-law, and after having JUST completed a conversation with her about how it would be a few weeks before we were "licensed," my phone rang and there was our licensing agent. We are LICENSED! Such Joy...such panic! Originally we didn't think our paper's would be processed until closer to the end of the month!

No the baby room is not done.

No my house is not clean.

My diaper bag is not packed.

And I am leaving town in the morning. Not exactly where I thought I'd be when this first call came.

So, when I return, as of Monday, our agency will begin "looking" for us via the emails they receive daily about whatever lovely kiddo needs to move in with us ASAP.

The next time I update I will either be learning parenthood or anticipating our next call...the call that says, "Are you awake? We have a kid for you!"

Excuse me while this lame wife goes and finishes writing her honey-do list for her amazing hubby before she goes on a mini-vacay. :-)