fun day

Loving life with my kiddos. We have enjoyed lots of crazy, loud, fun, screaming adventures in the past few weeks. But our favorite time is when daddy-o is home and we have extra hands for extra fun outings like the zoo

loving stroller weather

looking at the exotic stuffed dolls....

baby looking at exotic coffees

awwwww

 too little walk very long, too stubborn to ride. 

In other news we have been in contact with their potentially adoptive grandmother. And things very well could be leaning in the favor of the family. Loving each day with these kiddos. 

the eagle has landed

There are two privileged foster kids who have never had to share a room before, sharing a room, and sleeping in separate cribs down the hall from me. They do not know what having a full sibling means, or how much the system worked in their favor to keep them together. I pray that I am their Mamma, who one day has to teach them how to love on, share with, and respect each other, and who teaches them what a blessing siblings are in this life. Baby C smiles at big sis like she is a bottle of formula waiting to be gulped. She stares at him blankly, but I know in a few days she will be spreading the crumbly graham cracker love on his hair and back with love pats.

The story of T hopefully ends here with us. Transitioning is tough for an 18 month old. Her disconcerted little body holding stiff as we try to love her tonight. All she knows is mom and dad just left, and in the morning she will wake up in a strange place, possibly with an infant babbling in her ear. Who likes waking in a stranger's house? Especially if you didn't have a choice in the transition? Pray for baby T, our sweet girl we will have forever or just a little while.  Pray that we minister to her and exemplify Christ's love each moment. Pray for health and healing for both babies mentally and physically.

And special prayers for her grieving foster family.They loved T and absolutely smothered her in prayers, and  after having T 10 months, tearfully handed her over tonight.

Tick tock

We are in the final countdown. Court dates, ultimatums, therapy evaluations, and many, many phone calls on my part... and we are in the final stretch of closure. Allegedly. They are looking to drop the prospective Grandma's paperwork, due to her lack of interest, and place baby T in our home indefinitely. Maybe. There are still logistics, but I am told the decision should be made in the next 2 weeks.

The prospect of adopting both children is delightful....ly terrifying. We are still praying about our final decision and hope to hear more about baby T's diagnosis-es. However, I am choosing names, rearranging the nursery to fit another crib, and dreaming of these precious kiddos, our expanding family. Needless to say, our minds are pretty much made up.

Tonight, J took the baby to see his family, and I have the evening free for my homework, as school is in full swing. But of course my mind won't settle to its work. I keep hearing baby coos in my empty house :-)


As Job said.... “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."


Very soon we shall know if the Lord is adding to our family or decreasing. May He be glorified in my heart regardless of the final result. 

Reality

The reality is....
Sometimes hear-say and conjecture is the only way to get "new" information around here. As you can imagine this can be detrimental to one's psyche.

The reality is...
Baby C is my child. My son. Our baby boy, our "firstborn," and I irrevocably love him as fiercely as any mother ever loved a child.

The reality is...
This situation has been a "possible" adoption from the start. We have always heard about an elusive relative who has not been in contact with us or baby T's foster family (the past 8 months) and we assumed this meant lack of interest.

The reality is...
 Baby C is also our foster child. This implies temporary. This week I heard a bit of news, hear-say-ed and conjectur-ed though it was, that MAY, PERHAPS POSSIBLY, mean the beginning of the end of our time with our boy. MAY. PERHAPS. POSSIBLY. or ... not.

The reality is...
I signed up for this. So every tear I shed this week was slapped by my mental self, you KNEW what you were getting into Kate, you KNEW. And you KNOW you actually know NOTHING definite ... yet. NOTHING.

The reality is...
I haven't been able to stop snuggling Baby this week, I have un-swaddled him and taken him to our bedrooms so we could rest together during nap time. I have used my mei tai wrap just so he is held close to me when I am about doing housework, even if he was content in his swing. I cried over his sleeping cheeks as he smiled in his baby dreams.

The reality is...
 I do NOT want to let him go. Or even face the notion of a MAYBE, COULD BE, SOMEDAY.... goodbye.

The reality is...
I knew foster parenting would test my faith. And my lack of trust in who God is and what His will and purpose for my life and the life of our children, has become a blaring example of what I am to be taught. As I fight my desire to control these situations, and that only I could possibly know what is best for this child; I am being reminded of just what God has covenanted to His children.

My own prayers and blessings for C are empty in comparison to the hope I find in scripture.


"See ywhat kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called zchildren of God; and so we are. The reason why athe world does not know us is that bit did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are zGod's children cnow, and what we will be dhas not yet appeared; but we know that ewhen he appears1 fwe shall be like him, because gwe shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who hthus hopes in him ipurifies himself as he is pure." ~ 1 John 3:1-3

"Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places,4 heven as he ichose us in him jbefore the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In love 5 lhe predestined us2for madoption as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of his will, 6 oto the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved." ~ Ephesians 1:1-6

shots

My darling baby boy had his 2 month shots last week, for as much as I hyperventilated driving to the hospital that day, the shots themselves went great.

I have this horrible habit when I see a loved one in pain....thanks to my mother.....I giggle. My sweet baby getting his shots was no exception. I was holding his arms down  before as they prepped the needles, and I saw his bottom lip stick out, his lips smooshed together as he mentally prepared for trauma, and  I felt so awful for him, I laughed! The more he screamed the more I giggled!
Don't mock me, this giggle condition is genetic...many a spouse of those related to my mother will attest to the females who are hysterical while digging for Arnica, ice packs, or band aids....


Baby C continues to grow, Baby T continues to visit. 2 children in the house is trying, and I pray for grace to handle the transition, if it is ever to be permanent, with grace.

happenings

Here I sit sipping a cold Starbucks beverage, daydreaming on Trulia and Pinterest... my little man is laying in his bouncy next to me, awake, content, and adorable. My hardworking man is sleeping in, and minus being semi-awake enough for me to run get coffee, is oblivious to anything but the rare privilege of a delayed wake up time. Oh, and a sweet little girl is asleep in the nursery. Yes, Baby C's sister is here for a sleepover!

Sweet baby T is sweet, almost to a fault. She is so very laid back and mellow (for now :-). Her lovely foster parents have never left her over night in the 8 months they had her, and various text messages and delayed goodbyes last night confirmed their love for her, and nervousness at her demeanor upon their departure. Baby T took it like a champ. She was so very good for dinner, bath and play time. And went directly to sleep at nigh' nigh' time. She was not as her usual smiley self (as I witnessed earlier this week) she was contemplative of us and her new surroundings, but the trust was there and I look forward to getting to know her more today.

Another evaluation for baby C this week. These are laid back, in home evaluations that, for us at least, have been relatively painless. Mentally stressful only because it would be hard not to take everything personally if there were to be developmental delays with our baby. Baby C is right on track however, so an hour of me and a stranger staring at him went well overall. I could stare at him all day everyday!

First Contact

From our first days wish baby C, we knew he had a sister.  This is not baby C's only sibling, but his only full sibling, and the one who everyone would like to see in a "forever family," with him.

And a few nights ago, I received a long awaited phone call from Baby T's foster mother!

I learned more about the foster family, biological family, biological extended family, and sweet baby T than I have heard from, the countless people involved in this case, in these last 6 weeks combined.

I am both weakened with the burden of information and decisions, and so incredibly edified and strengthened by the prayers of this other family. The phone call was extremely encouraging, this is another family of believers who spoke with nothing but honesty, respect, and a God-fearing, prayerful approach to this whole messy situation.

Baby T is a darling girl. She was a preemie and has had a bit of a rocky start in life, but is flourishing in her current home. We are setting up some "play dates" with these siblings, and will be continually praying for what God has for these two in the near and distant future.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV)